Balancing Act

Before I had Londyn, I lived in sweet oblivion when I thought of marriage with a newborn. I guess I assumed life would go on as normal, there would just be an added tiny human in the room. It never occured to me that many more factors would play a part in our new life.

Of course the 1st and most obvious change is that I now care for more life than just mine. Now, don't twist my words, I care about my husband's well being, but he is a grown man who can provide and protect himself. As far as I know, he can bathe himself, use the restroom by himself, feed himself, and clothe himself; and if there is anything he needs me for, he can form words and tell me exactly what he needs. (Thanks heavens he doesn't just scream and cry and make me guess as a newborn does) All of these things, and many more, are things that Londyn needs me for. One can see how days can go by without any laundry being done, or perhaps how a new parent would get to the end of the day only to realize that he or she hadn't eaten all day. (Aside from the stale cookie you at at 6 a.m. because it was the only readily available food)

Another less obvious factor, especially to men, is hormonal changes! Your emotions as a new mom are all over the place. You are lost in your child's eyes one moment, whisper-screaming at your husband the next second because you don't want to wake the baby but you want to make sure he understands that you're not happy. You may even cry because the pizza place made you the wrong pizza and your husband didn't think to check before leaving the establishment. Some of these emotions can be blamed on pure fatigue, but mostly on hormones. Imagine a beach ball that is trying to be shoved to the bottom of a swimming pool. That is the kind of instability we feel as women with hormal imbalance after having a baby!!

Time is of the essence. That is why you must allow yourself twice the amount of time to get ready than you needed before the baby was here. Also, you learn to cut your shower time from 20 minutes to 5, blow drying your hair becomes a lost art for a while, and you only fix your hair on 2 occasions; you're going to church, or you have someone coming over and you want them to think you have it together. (though the bags under your eyes say otherwise) You find yourself planning trips to the store, visualizing the layout in your head, figuring out what you absolutely need, and what you can send your husband to get later. If you breast feed, you plan your day in 2-3 hour stints, knowing where your pitstops can be for those times the baby needs to eat, or where you can stop for emergency diaper blowout changes.

And so the last thing on your mind, so appropriately placed as last for the purpose of this blog, is your marriage. If he loves me, he'll always be there right? If he loves me, he can deal with being on the backburner for a while right? If he loves me....this is such a manipulative and unfair statement. I am guilty of thinking this way, though I may not say it aloud. Today I was searching and searching for a devotional for first time parents. I was looking for some real-life conversation and experience from Godly couples who not only survived, but THRIVED after having their first child. It is a lot to handle. I don't know how those without faith do it because I do HAVE faith, and I still can't figure it out. Mike and I love each other so much, and we are blessed with an amazing relationship, but I would be lying if I tried to say its all been butterflies and candle-lit dinners. I never want to forget where things began and want to be constantly rekindling the flame. I don't know where to begin, all I know is that I'm determined to find a reason every day to feel EXCITED about our marriage! Londyn is a blessing. She is the happiest, most fun and beautiful baby! However, Mike and I did not get married so that we could have children. We got married because we LOVE each other. I never want to forget that. By the way I never found that devotional I was looking for. Maybe I will write my own one day if God leads me ;) Until then, there's no better devotional than His word itself, plain and simple.

I know tonight didn't feature a whole lot about Londyn, but it has a lot of insight that I feel may be helpful for those who are expecting or are thinking about trying to start a family. Most of all, this blog is something I can look back on in the future as a reference and will hopefully encourage me with future children. Thanks for reading. (I know it has been a while, we've been in the process of moving and getting settled and have not had internet.)